What I’ve Learned After Losing My Mom

Posted by: Victoria Tropiano

This Saturday, April 18, will mark seven years since my mom passed away from lung cancer. I will never forget the day it happened

I was 16, sitting in the library where my history class was held that particular day, and was promptly called to the office. I instantly knew why…my stomach dropped. When I got there, I saw my dad standing with the school nurse who escorted us to her office. He sat me down and told me that my mom only had a few hours left to live. I can’t exactly tell you how I felt at that moment, because I don’t even remember. It was such a haze and didn’t feel real. I packed up my school bag, went to the hospital, and tried to cherish the last moments with my mom before I would have to say goodbye.

Although she was battling cancer for two years, I never thought the moment would come where I’d look at her knowing she would face death. If you knew my mom and how strong she was, you wouldn’t think cancer would kill her. Every second from the day she died will remain with me forever.

I don’t want to go too much into detail from that day. I’d rather not focus on her death and suffering. All I want to add is that when I found out she died, I was actually at home, not the hospital. My sisters and I returned home after receiving news she might live a little longer. My dad stayed behind but came home later to tell us the doctor was wrong, and she had passed.

Over these past years of dealing with my mom’s death, I sure have learned a lot. When you lose a parent or someone rather close to you, you gain a new understanding of life. I, for one, became more independent, as well as mentally and emotionally stronger. Facing and overcoming adversity can always teach you important lessons about life and yourself, as long as you let it.

Here’s what I’ve learned from my mom’s death:

1.) Don’t take spending time with your family for granted.

The last real conversation I had with my mom was telling her I got asked to my junior prom. It was the day before she passed away. I came home from school, and she was lying on the couch. I told her the news but quickly cut it short even though she was excited. Instead of talking to her all about it and answering her questions, I didn’t realize it would be my last, full conversation we would have. If I only knew, it would’ve been so different. I’ve torn myself up enough for that moment. There is no sense in feeling guilty for it, so I chose to learn from it instead.

My oldest sister and her family live in Virginia, my other older sister and her husband live in Michigan, and my dad and I both live here in Chattanooga. So, you can say we’re a drastically spread out family and none of us enjoy it. But when we do get together, I take in every single minute. We’ve been through a roller coaster of life together; no matter how much we’ve hurt each other or differ from one another, we still love one another. And at the end of the day, we will always choose each other.

2.) Friends are family too.

I’ve had the most amazing group of girl friends that have stuck close by my side like family since I was little. In college, I was blessed by another friend group who were another instant family of mine. Being so far from my immediate family, it’s nice to have my “chosen family” so close to me. I even live with two of them! Even though they’ve never met my mom, they are willing to listen to the same stories I’ve told about her a dozen times. They’ve seen me mourn over her and are there for me when I need them.

3.) Sentimental stuff isn’t junk.

I frequently rummage through old letters and photos of my mom. Just looking at her handwriting brings me instant joy. Especially when I’m sad, I love going through the items because it makes me feel like I still have a piece of her. These items are the only hard copy memories that I have of her. Everything else is by memory alone. I’ve learned just how important it is to keep the sentimental stuff. Even if they’re little notes or junky toys from friends. Time passes. Cherish what you have from someone special to you.

4.) I’m jealous of girls with moms.

I’ll admit, this is a tough one for me. I envy my friends who have moms. I’m jealous they get to have “mom” pop up on their smartphone when she calls, or when their moms “check-in” on them to make sure they have everything they need. No matter how many years that pass by, it’s still hard.

5.) I buy scents that smell like my mom.

I initially bought Pond’s face cream just for this reason. She used Pond’s religiously, and I remember her pillow even smelling like it. One night when I was missing her, I went over to Walgreens, bought it, opened it, and smelled it repeatedly for quite a while. I love to wear it now! Vanilla Lace by Victoria’s Secret is another scent that takes me back to my mom. She wore it when I was really little.

6.) Milestones are toughest.

Without a doubt, it’s always toughest to go through a celebration without her there. When I got my license, went to junior and senior prom, graduated high school and college, and got my first real job, I so badly wanted her to be there.

7.) I’ll see her again.

Of course I’d still want her to be here today. However, I wouldn’t trade the blessing that came from her tragedy for her to still be living. The blessing was the gift of salvation. Before my mom had cancer, she didn’t know Jesus. When she was diagnosed, she knew that death was very much a reality, which led her eager to know what came next. An amazing (amazing isn’t a good enough term for her), Godly, woman from our church reached out to her and guided her to what ended up being true salvation. The moment my mom came to know God was the moment she defeated death. Yes, she may not be living on earth, but she is more than alive in heaven, getting to walk with Jesus every single day! No pain, no trouble, no sadness, just pure joy in the presence of our Savior. How could we not say that’s a blessing?

Sure, I won't see her for possibly decades, but I’ll see her again. And this time it will be for all of eternity.

I’m not going to end it with a question but a task instead: Please tell someone you love how much they mean to you today!

#lifestyle #charisma #charismachatt #personal